Monday, February 10, 2014

Things having been pregnant ruined

I'm bored and am perusing the interwebs, while doing that my nipple, yes nipple, decides it's the itchiest thing in the entire world and I have to practically claw it off to make it stop itching...TMI right? Yes, you are completley correct.

But while maiming myself, I got to thinking, my nipples had never been itchy until I became pregnant. So, the connecting thought to that since I'm bored is why not make a list of things that having been pregnant has ruined.

  1.  My emotions. Before I was pregnant, I cried maybe once every 6-9 months and that was just to get the pent up schnit out. During pregnancy, I think I was pretty decent when it came to not crying a lot, but after pregnancy, oh that is a different story my friend...My emotions are permanently f*cked. I cry during the Pampers "Silent Night" commercial, really anything to do with babies, sometimes the news, really just random bullshit stuff, that I have personally laughed at other people for crying about. Karma is such a bitch.
  2. The obvious is saying my body, but that is a blanket topic, DUH my body was ruined, but let me explain how:
    1. My nipples itch like a mofo, I mean truely sometimes I feel they won't stop itching until I scratch them off, I believe I've made them bleed before or in the very least brought blood to the surface.
    2. I have stretch marks on my body (the thick flamey looking ones) that look like they belong on a pimped out GTO
    3. My little kangaroo sack thing I have going on that, on some days, it feels like it would be a good idea to cut off myself, since I'm too poor and lazy to get cosmetic surgery done on it.
    4. The panther tattoo on my hip, kind of turned into a tiger because of the fore mentioned stretchmarks.
    5. My thyroid, ZOMG did being pregnant mess with my thyroid (it's the little gland that controls metabolism and emotions) lost 40 lbs in 6 weeks after the baby, gained 35 lbs in 6 months after the 6 weeks mentioned.
    6. Oh, and during pregnancy I had gestational diabetes, that was scarring by itself, waking up and puking because you had a piece of cake (FINE pieces of cake), isn't fun. Neither was passing out in Kohl's on Black Friday. Luckily that went away after Mary was born.
Hmmm, well I guess that's it for now, I really thought the list would be longer. I'll have to think more on it, this was kind of spur of the moment ranting.

Leave me a message in the comments below telling me what's changed about you, since you were pregnant ;)