Monday, March 31, 2014

I didn't do it...

The other morning, I walk into the kitchen area to find a heaping pile of stuffing (not food, animal) on the kitchen table. First thought? Dafuq?

I look at Mary and say "What is that?"
Her reply?: "I didn't do it!"
Um, well it wasn't me and we don't have pets...
Me: "Where is it?"
Mary:  "I didn't do it!" cue sobbing
Me: "Where is it?"
Mary: "It wasn't my fault!"
Me: "Of course it's your fault, you pulled the stuffing out of it!"
Mary: "It's not my fault!"
Me *now getting pissed*: "Where is the stuffed animal that you pulled that out of?"
Mary *sobbing hysterically: "It's outside!"
Me-WTH? Now I'm actually worried she went outside alone "Mary where is the stuffed animal?"
Mary: "It's in the woods!"
Me-*Looks outside* the nearest woods are across the backyard, over a 5' fence, and across a graveyard: "Mary WHERE is the stuffed animal"
Mary: "It's in my bedroom"
Me-Finally! "Go get it"
Mary runs into her room grabs it and of course it's not one of the cheap stuffed animals, it's one of those $80 Vermont Teddy Bears, with a hole the size of a hand in it's back and 1/4 of the stuffing missing.

While I was pissed she destroyed a toy, then pissed she lied, and then pissed at the thought that she might have gone outside alone, it's still a pretty funny story. She was so dramatic and the random shit that was coming out of her mouth was priceless, if not horrifying at the same time. My husband had a good laugh over it, after he got over the part about her saying she went outside.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Baby Factory?

Mary just drew a picture with a bunch of people on it, I asked who they were and she said, "That's me, that's my mommy, my daddy, my sister, my brother, my sister, my brother, my sister, and my brother!"

Uh...No Mary, mommy is not a baby factory.