Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Things I've posted on Facebook

Here are some things I've posted on Facebook. I'm writing them down here because remember Facebook isn't forever and this blog will be so full of awesomeness that it will last til the end of time, so I may be a little delusional...ssshhh, don't tell anyone.

I'm scrolling through Facebook now, wow I post a lot of stupid shit. Still scrolling, okay maybe I don't post as much stuff about Mary on there as I thought...

November 28, 2013
Our First Thanksgiving alone (more depressing then funny, our life kind of sucks right now)

November 26, 2013
In the course of a 10 minute mommy needs to put warmth back into her limbs before they fall off bath. Mary did 2 things that had me bust a gut

1."Mom, sing the p t p t p t song" "Mary I don't know what song that is" "Yes you do it's the p t p t song, if you sing it I'll give you cookies and a lollipop"

2.She's sitting on the ledge of the tub with her legs crossed, her arm drapped over my head, I closed my eyes and leaned against her, she elbowed my head over, said wake up, peeled my eye lid up and started laughing hysterically and fell off the side of the tub.

November 26, 2013
Mary sounds like a dying wookie when she cries before her nap
November 24, 2013
OK wth? This is Mary's third day without a pacifier at all (she thinks I threw them away), so while she was in the other room, I went to grab her pacifiers from the top shelf and move them to a cupboard, she yells from the back room as I was reaching for them "Mom, do you have my pi's?" Me caught red handed but she still can't see me replies "Nooo...?", Mary replies "Are you lying?" 

November 23, 2013
Mary won a Snoopy Doll from Bingo at the mall, yeah she's one cool kid, playing bingo and all

November 22, 2013
Mary assumed I threw her pacifiers away when she got home from school, so I just went along with it. Since assuming the worst she's been throwing random dramatic tantrums, has berated me, and even attempted to search through the trash, but I'm happy to report that she's passed out in her bed pacifier free.

November 20, 2013
Mary just heard the crinkling of a candy wrapper from 3 rooms

October 31, 2013
Hate when I hear a loud noise and then Mary yells "It's Nuffin, Mommy!"
October 10, 2013
Mary: "Mommy stop doing that I'm talking to myself"...k
August 6, 2013
Mary's sick today, slight fever, cold, and not hungry. I was cuddling up to her on the couch when she started to throwup and while I was trying to comfort her, she looks up at me with tears streaming down her face and says...
"I want a cookie"
I haven't laughed that hard in weeks, god she's totally my daughter
July 17, 2013
Super proud of Mary for not going pee in the pool or bathtub lol
July 12, 2013
Mary: " hurry up my tummy is starting to grumble" as I'm taking the pizza out, "just a little bite?" No mary it will burn your tongue "no it won't I promise"
July 7, 2013
Mary's singing bubble butt wtf lol
July 4, 2013
Wow mary just drew a really good boy and girl, didn't think 3 year olds could draw that we'll. Totally impressed
June 10, 2013
So a few things:

1)Mary is officially potty trained, she doesn't even need a diaper at night anymore
2)She's getting really sassy, she really couldn't wait a 10 years to start that?
3)I'm sick of her humming the Star Wars theme song
March 18, 2013
Aww Mary just dressed herself (shirt, undies, and pants), she's growing up too fast  
March 15, 2013
Mary: "You're my favorite best girl in da whole wide world, I love you"  
March 6, 2013
So to try and wean Mary off the pacifier I cut holes in all of them and she hates it, when I gave her one for bed just now she comes up to me and says "My Pi's broken go buy me a new one..." wth?

March 6, 2013
Well Mary has an imaginary friend and he's a Doctor, but I don't think he's a very good one because she'll randomly say "O NO, ________ Died!" kinda creepy really, not even sure where she learned the whole dead concept either

February 3, 2013
OMG Mary just horrified Bob and I for a second, she kept saying "Black people don't cross the track" we kept asking her where she learned that and she just kept repeating it until we realized she was looking at a black and white picture in the bathroom of two people doing the tango in the street next to railroad tracks. Crisis averted

February 1, 2013
OMG, LMAO! Bob's back hurts really bad and I just went over and sat on the couch with him. Mary comes over and says in a panicked voice "Daddy you okay?! Did mommy cut you"

LMFAO I died laughing. I have no clue where she learned that or if that's what she meant to say, but it was freaking hilarious, especially if you know me.
January 19, 2013
Mary put her pants on her head and is running around saying "ARRRGGHHH, I'm a pirate!"
 January 14, 2013
Mary is a...I'm going to say brat. Do you know how hard and ironic it is to have someone sit on your stomach while you do crunches eating a freakin cupcake? Pretty hard, and when I started LMAO she started laughing too and spit cupcake all over me. SMH 

December 28, 2012
Mary inherited my monkey toes, I'm so proud

December 20, 2012
Mary just threw all of the blankets off the bed, then climbed into a hamper of clean laundry with the iPad, and was just chillin'. Pretty sure she's an odd little duck
 December 9, 2012
So I weeded and sorted through Mary's toys today. Well she just got home and after she ran and gave me a hug, she went back in the living room, looked around and yelled "Mommy, you cleaned? Good job mommy!" lmao thanks Mary

December 7, 2012 
Mary just told bob to get up and get her a cookie...freakin hilarious

November 28, 2012
Mary just walked up to be and held a stuffed apple up to me and said "I got you a present," I then said "thank you baby I love it!," and she said "You're welcome, Mama!" with the biggest smile on her face. I Love her, lol

November 20, 2012
I don't know if it's good or not when your toddler yells from the other room "Mom, I'm okay! I'm okay, mom"

October 17, 2013
Well that was awesome. Mary and I were jumping on the bed, all the while Bob was saying your gonna break it, your gonna break it. You know what happened? I didn't break it, but Mary fell back laughing hysterically and peed all over a clean stack of laundry. I did all I could not to laugh my ass off

 September 11, 2012
Mary knows how to use a VHS player, I am thoroughly impressed...
 August 16, 2012
My fat ass just walked to the gas station to get some milk with Mary, please note it's only about a quarter of a mile to and from the store.

While normally I don't have issues with this, I developed one when I had to carry Mary back to the house on my shoulders and carry the gallon of milk. When we got home I was breathing like I just ran a 5k and broke out in a profuse sweat, I'd say diet and exercise are in order, but who am I kidding...

Too lazy to go further down my Facebook time line, so that's all for now folks

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